


Yeu and ew

by Turquoise_Coral17



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, How Do I Tag, M/M, Post-Break Up, Self-Insert, inspired by a song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27811579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Turquoise_Coral17/pseuds/Turquoise_Coral17
Summary: Yeu, in Vietnamese, means love and affection.Tsukishima, since day one, had known that he wasn’t a friendly kid. He lived in peoples’ periphery, and he accepted it. However, at age 19, he fell in love with a boy who had taught him what it meant to be love, to be important, but at the same time, to lose someone.Yeu and ewThe start and the end, and everything that lies in between.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	Yeu and ew

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Ew, by Joji.
> 
> This fic, I think, has taken quite a toll on me emotionally. It's definitely a self-insert piece, and though I am hesitated to post it, I think there is something therapeutic about spelling things out and seeing things from a different angle. 
> 
> Welp, English is not my first language, so I'm sorry for the horrible grammars. Please leave suggestions in the comments! I greatly appreciate them. 
> 
> This is also my first fic (◕‿◕✿) I'm sorry for the mess I have created.

__

**_When it’s lovely I believe in anything_ **

**_What does love mean?_ **

**_When the end is rolling in?_ **

_ \- Joji, Ew _

  
  
  
  


_ March _

“Hey babe, have you heard back from the landlord about our rental application?” Tsukishima spoke while putting his phone on speaker. He rested it next to the cutting board full of sweet onion, and turned to the cabinet to grab a ceramic bowl. “They said we should hear back on Tuesday, which was two days ago.”

Yamaguchi’s voice was soft as always, though with a hint of hesitation that was unfamiliar to Tsukishima’s ear. He could even imagine a tiny shiver from his boyfriend through his phone’s speaker. “Tsukki…about that. Maybe, I think, we should talk.” 

“What’s up?” He picked back up the knife and diligently minced the sweet onion into tiny pieces. He asked, “Do they need another proof of income from us? Or are the preferences not good enough for them?” 

The voice from the speaker was softer now, and even more fluttered. Yamaguchi sniffed, “No, I mean us, um, they emailed me back with the approval, but, uh… I think we should reconsider our plan.. maybe our relationship...” 

Tsukishima’s hands stopped.  _ This couldn’t be good.  _ He washed his hands and dried them with a pink towel that Yamaguchi had insisted on getting when Kei first moved into this apartment. __

_ This is the classic fucking line for a breakup.  _

He picked up his phone with an unnecessary amount of force and tried to steady his breathing before responding, “Can you tell me what’s the matter Tadashi? Is everything okay?” 

He could feel his chest tightened, and the coldness started to swallow him whole, leaving a tingling sensation on his proximities. 

  
  


_ Call end _

_ Three hours and fourteen minutes _

Hell was Tsukishima a goddamn prophet. 

“Sorry Tsukki. I don’t think I can continue doing this...”

“I can not, at all, envision our future. The plan you made was never for us. It was for you, and only you!” 

“Have you ever thought of me? Have you ever thought about the meaning behind a relationship?” 

“Four years and I don’t even know whether you love me or not.” 

“Maybe it is the idea of being loved that you are in love with.”

The air around him thickened, the light from the ceiling dimmed.

His eyes stung, and he blamed that on the sweet onion he cut earlier. 

\---

Life moved on even when you had a broken heart. 

That’s why Tsukishima found himself on the street the next day he broke up with Yamaguchi. He was never the type to mope around the house anyway, despite what the circumstances were. He strode down the street toward his apartment complex, arms full of grocery bags for next week consisting of pre-made frozen dinners- of all cuisines, mind you- and an absurdly big strawberry shortcake. He curved around the corner, taking steps that were too familiar to him as he had walked them for almost 2 years. 

What he didn’t expect, though, was to be interrupted by a person in a cartoon cat costume with stacks of pamphlets in hands. With a cheerful head tilt that Tsukishima could barely interpret as a greeting, one of their pamphlets was shoved into his grocery bags. A quietly displeasing grunt left the corner of his mouth, but he kept a steady pace. His apartment was only another block away.

Putting away all his groceries, Tsukishima finally reached for the pamphlet and took a look. 

_ Spa for your feline friends! Join our membership program today to earn up to 30% discount!  _

Ha, the pamphlet apparently belonged to the newly opened groomer downtown, next to the coffee shop that he usually frequented. He had wondered for a while now what the new shop would be. 

For your feline friends huh? 

_ “Hey Tsukki! After moving into our new apartment, should we adopt a cat? I want to name them Yami!” Yamaguchi yelped excitedly through the phone, expecting a positive response from his boyfriend, or at least, a fun discussion.  _

_ “I don’t think that will be a good idea Tadashi, given how you can’t take care of yourself, and I am too busy for another family member” Tsukishima retorted, maybe with too much snark in his comment. He regretted instantly as he listened to the other voice turned somber, “Tsukki, I just want to ...” _

Stop.

Stop thinking _.  _

Picking up the phone that he had placed halfheartedly on the couch, Tsukishima dialed a number and spoke quietly, a little muffled by the stuffed nose that he didn’t realize he had. 

“Hi, this is Kei Tsukishima.We talked last week about my potential adoption of Lucy, the two years old short-haired cat? I know it will be two weeks earlier than the planned adopting appointment, and I will need to use a different address, but is it possible for me to finish the adoption process by this weekend?”

After another 10 minutes of information exchange, Tsukishima finally hung up his phone, followed up with a deep exhale. The adoption was set to be right after they moved into their new place, and was supposed to be a surprise for Yamaguchi, and his boyfriend, wait no,  _ ex-boyfriend _ , would have been ecstatic. 

_ What if I told you, my future had always been about having you with me, together, against the world. What if I told you, all I wanted was to wake up next to you every morning, Yami’s tail swept against our feet.  _

But life wasn’t a series of what ifs, and Tsukishima knew that fairly well. 

\---

The white clock ticked quietly on the wall, though was still too loud for the empty lab space. Scribbled the last important detail onto his lab notebook, Tsukishima violently closed the poor red notebook and crammed it deep into his crowded drawer. It was eight twenty seven already, and he did not want to stay here any longer than he needed to. He spinned around, quickly put the LB broth back onto the shelf, only to face a devilish look from Akaashi Keiji, the graduate student who he had worked with for two years. 

“Yes Akaashi?” His voice was dry. When was the last time he took a sip of water? 

“Tsukishima, are you coming in tomorrow? Would you mind helping a poor friend out?” Akaashi blinked once, then twice. It was like the graduate student just morphed into a giant puppy with watery eyes, waiting for the victim, in this case Tsukishima, to jump right into his set trap. He jumped anyway, though tried to protest fruitlessly with a not-too-vicious glare, “I should be. I just started an overnight culture so hopefully I can plate them tomorrow morning. What do you need,  _ poor friend _ ?” 

“Remember when I told you Bokuto wanted to go on a trip to the beach this weekend and he invited me? Sadly, I think my bacterial strains are being delivered tomorrow.” Akaashi scratched his head sheepishly, a hint of anticipation in his tone. “Would you mind streaking them out and leaving them on the bench for me? I really need to use them by next Monday, like early morning, but I also cannot call the trip off last minute. That would be so unfair to Bokuto!”. 

Tsukishima replied, raising one eyebrow, “I should be able to take care of them for you, so don’t worry”. He shifted his weight and leaned his back against the bench, his lips curled into a half smile, “ Though I heard someone has been hitting the gym a lot harder than they used to. Hopefully all that hard work will be put to use.” A soft laugh left his lips as Akaashi turned rosy, eyes widened. “Have fun Akaashi.” 

“Will you be okay though?” Ignoring the heat on his face, Akaashi asked. “I know you are preparing to move into a new apartment with Yamaguchi so don’t overwork yourself. It should be your day off after all.” 

Tsukishima remained quiet as he turned toward his bench, spraying an excessive amount of ethanol on it. His hands then moved around aimlessly as an attempt to spread the liquid out evenly. Akaashi learned about Yamaguchi three months after he joined the lab as a laboratory technician; the boy had paid him a surprise visit that left Tsukishima bolted out of his chair. He didn’t expect Tadashi, who lived two cities away, to appear in his lab. 

“I’m free next weekend, so feel free to text me if you need another pair of hands to help with packing.” Akaashi continued. “I cannot wait to meet Yamaguchi again!”

“It’s alright Akaashi.” Tsukishima finally spoke, surprised by how calm he actually sounded. “It seems like that moving plan, and the relationship that goes with it, has gone down the drain already.”

Silence. The air suddenly became thick. 

“What?” 

“Last Thursday” was all Tsukishima said. 

“I am so sorry Kei” Akaashi averted his confused gaze from the blond, and stared into the rotisserie placed on the counter. “If you want to talk, I am here for you.”

There was no response after that, though Tsukishima understood and appreciated the sentiment; Akaashi had only used his given name for special occasions. He twisted his wrist to slide off the gloves away from his slender fingers, and threw them into the biohazard trash can. Quickly but thoroughly, he washed his hands then left through the door without any other words. He might text Akaashi later tonight or he might not- his love life wasn’t that important. 

  
  
  


\--------

  
  
  
  


**_Let it go, let it stay, can we love one another?_ **

**_Cold, is it safe to be warm in the summer?_ **

  
  
  


June

Having Yami (aka Lucy) was a refreshing addition into Tsukishima’s life that he had never expected. After months of familiarizing with Kei’s apartment, the tiny feline had transformed into somewhat an adorable devil; he’d first-handedly witnessed the destruction of his poor couch under her claws, of which he could not do anything other than giving her a gentle scolding. And now, the mini monster was staring intensely at the purple curtains hanging low at the ground; her back stretched back into position ready for a full-speed attack. Tsukishima signed, and walked toward the short-haired black cat to stop her strike- maybe he should purchase a how to train a cat manual. 

Yami, instead of running away and hiding behind the couch like she did the first time seeing Tsukishima, dived straight into his arms with no hesitation as the tall man sat on the floor. Her raven short hair brushed against his inner forearms, and her head rubbed onto his hand, demanding for attention. With just several good scratches, he could feel her muscle relaxed and her body turned into a pile of warmth. 

“I cannot believe I adopted you. I don’t even work enough to support myself, let alone caring for another cat.” Tsukishima whispered to Yami while listening to her purrs. That, however, was a lie. In fact, Kei earned a lot more than enough to support himself. After graduating with a degree in Biology, he was offered a job as a laboratory technician in the Ukai lab that paid him generously, to the point where he could afford a nice two bedroom apartment close to the research institute. That was one reason why he was still reluctant to find another position somewhere nearer to where Yamaguchi was living. That was also why Yamaguchi agreed to move here instead.

_ Maybe he should have moved, maybe things would have been different _ . 

By the time Tsukishima escaped from his train of thoughts, he had sat on the floor for way too long that his back ached and his long legs fell asleep. Gently putting the black lump onto the rug (and just for the record Yami was  _ not  _ happy), he walked toward the shower to get ready for tonight's event. His old college friends were visiting, and they demanded a get together despite Tsukishima’s fruitless objection. Perhaps some mental preparation was necessary to handle the predictable madness _. _

_ Who the fuck am I kidding?  _ Hot water dripped down his hair, lingering on the curly blond strands before trickling down his body. Heat slowly rose up, twirled and wrapped around his body, but yet, he was cold. He shivered, his face looked strained, and his lung was desperate to take in oxygen. He gasped.  _ I will never be ready for them. Tadashi must have told them. I am not ready for this.  _

Indeed, Tsukishima wasn’t ready for it. The truth was, for the past months, he had been ignoring, or rather  _ hiding _ from the giant elephant in the room. Sure, he still went to work everyday, still drank his favorite coffee black and still watched his favorite show occasionally. And fuck, he  _ still _ hated the neighbors’ satanic dog that always barked at him whenever he walked down the hallway. 

Nonetheless, these normalities could only be considered  _ normal  _ when he ignored the fact that he had been working himself to the point of debilitation everyday, even on weekends, and had tripled the coffee intake just to prevent his body from collapsing. Or the fact that whenever he watched the shows that he loved, he had been taking mental notes of details that would have put a smile on Yamaguchi’s face. Even the satanic dog reminded Tsukishima of Tadashi clinging closely to him and shrieking about how afraid he was of the devil. 

None of these were normal, and Tsukishima knew that, especially when he looked deliberately into his life, and found every corner was littered with images of Tadashi Yamaguchi. His love for him, though was never shown visibly, had grown like a vine inside his body, tangling its stem and leaves around his bone and flesh; and now that the trunk was cut off coercively, what was left inside was the root that carved deep into his heart and lungs, scarring the tissues and left him winded. 

_ Maybe _ one day the vine that was named Yamaguchi would vanish into thin air, as quickly but quietly as when it came. And one day, his cells would finally cease to bruise; perhaps if he gave them enough time, the scarring tissues could even be rejuvenated, and new sprouts shall appear when Spring comes. But before that happened, all Tsukishima had were just the broken pieces that were his love and memories. 

\---

The bar where Tsukishima was supposed to meet up with everyone was nothing less than what he expected- it was hot and full of endorphins, with music that was too loud and flashing lights that could give him a seizure. He looked around for an orange-haired head, desperately hoping that he was not the first one to arrive. After all, he did intentionally come 30 minutes later just to avoid this specific problem. A whip of air passed through him, a hand patted onto his shoulder and Tsukishima was relieved. He turned around to find Hinata, as joyous as always, and Kageyama, as quiet as always. 

“Tsukishima, long time no see” shouted Hinata. He didn’t know what an indoor voice was. 

“Oh hey Hinata, Kageyama” He greeted, eyes curiously staring at the hands that were intertwining between his two old friends. Well, that was new. “Where is everybody else?” Still, not his problem. 

“ We are seated in the private booth in the corner over there. It’s hard to see from the entrance so Suga sent us to retrieve you.” Hinata pointed at a far left corner that was tucked away behind a divider. He gestured for Tsukishima to follow, while pulling onto Kageyama’s hand. Interesting enough the latter showed no signs of annoyance. Maybe this had been a normal occurrence for him. 

“There he is, fashionably late  _ again _ .” Sugawara waved at Tsukishima as the trio walked in, his retort was sharp but lacking venom. He didn’t mind, knowing it was just how Suga paid back for the many times that he denied the group getting together. Asahi, who was sitting to the right of him, tapped his head as a greeting, and signalled Tsukishima to take a seat. The younger did almost immediately- he didn’t want to sit next to Sugawara and to have a taste of the  _ Suga’s stare _ that could break through all his barriers and see all his naked soul. “Hi Suga, and sorry. Traffic was bad” He said after settling into his seat. 

“Oh please, we know you walked here.” Sugawara smirked, pushing a glass of Sombrero toward Tsukishima. “Kahlua with milk, your favorite! we cannot let you stay behind so let’s get started”. He laughed, and Hinata and Asahi joined in with some comments that the older had had too much alcohol in his system for anyone to be able to catch up. Tsukishima wasn’t sure though, because he was just staring at the cocktail, head deep in thoughts. 

_ “Here you go Tsukki, made just for you!” _

“Thanks” he downed the drink in one go. It wasn’t that strong anyhow. 

The conversation continued, about everything and anything. They talked about what had happened since the last time they met, about jobs and new activities that they had tried out. Of course Hinata and Kageyama's newly developed relationship didn’t go undetected (they didn’t want to hide it anyway, given by Kageyama’s hand on Hinata’s lap). They, apparently, had found love for each other after spending years of rivalry in college and at work, and decided to take each other's hands. 

_ That’s grossly sweet _ . Tsukishima thought, though he didn't vocalize his statement. 

It had been a long time since they gathered around like this, usually due to everyone being too damn far apart. After graduating from college, Tsukishima took the job offer and moved to this current city, which is a four hours drive from where they all went for school, while Hinata and Kageyama moved North for their IT positions. Yamaguchi and Yachi were the only two that had stayed at the same place, rented a place together and tried to find a job.

To be real, it had been difficult at the beginning for Tsukishima, as he had to juggle both starting a new life at a new city and maintaining a long distance relationship with Tadashi. Thanks to the help of Sugawara and Asahi, friends who graduated two years before him and happened to live nearby, he was able to somewhat sustain his sanity. He tried hard to balance everything on his plate, and had thought that he did quite a good job. Apparently he did not. 

The party slowly came to an end with Sugawara chuckling drunkenly against Asahi, who looked flustered, and Hinata spreading on the table, half dead. Kageyama, on the other hand, was still keeping his straight posture despite having multiple drinks. This had been going well so far, Tsukishima thought. He was still surprised that no one had mentioned Tadashi in front of him, but well, not that he was complaining. His arm stretched out to reach for the leftover of his third drink and finished it in one swift motion when Suga suddenly turned around, a glimpse of discomfort flashed through his eyes. 

“So, uhm, I guess...I should ask. How..how are you holding up with what happened between you and Yama?” His speech slurred, but his face showed some mixed emotion; it was like he had held onto the question for so long and had wondered whether he should ask. Maybe that was why he saved the question until now. Tsukishima wished he didn’t ask though.

“ Everything is fine. We developed problems and weren’t able to solve them.” He answered dryly, tried his best not to crack his voice or to stutter. “ It wouldn’t be fair to hold on to him and drag him down, so we broke up and life moved on.” 

Hinata’s body slightly jolted upward after the response, his drunkenness was still there, but his eyes wide and his mouth moved like he’d been waiting for this exact moment. “I’m sorry Tsukishima. But if I were to be absolutely honest, and you are not going to like this, I have always thought your relationship with Yamaguchi was, uh, toxic.” His voice was unusually clear for someone who was drunk out of his fucking mind.

“ _Hinata!_ ” Sugawara silently shouted, and Kageyama pulled Hinata closer to him, shutting the orange haired’s mouth with his hand. He spoke deeply, “ Sorry Tsukishima.” He faltered for a second, then continued, “What _we_ meant was that you seemed to depend too much on Yamaguchi both emotionally and physically, to the point you had never seemed to care about what he wanted. It’s kinda unfair.”

_ “Kageyama!” _ Asahi tapped the younger’s shoulder. 

_ Have you ever thought of me?  _ Yamguchi’s words echoed in his head. He could feel his apathetic facade cracked under the pressure, and now those broken pieces were dropping onto the floor, showcasing the mixed emotion of guilt and something else he did not know. Rashly downing another drink on the table to cover up his expression, he relished the feeling of alcohol burning through his throat and esophagus that helped keeping any emotions at bay. Tsukishima was done for tonight, too tired to respond with his signature snarks, or to offer any defenses or explanations; it didn’t matter anymore.  _ Everything had already been broken because of him.  _

“Tsukishima, don’t pay too much attention to what the duo said.” Asahi spoke softly, his gentle gaze flickered under the dim light. He might be the most sober one at this table “ A relationship is a two-way street, and though you may have made mistakes along the way that seemed irreparable, I am sure it was not just specifically one person’s faults. There were things that you could have done differently, but there were also things that Yamaguchi should have done differently.” He scratched his head and offered a smile, embarrassed by his own words. Asahi was always like that, soft-spoken and anxious, nevertheless thoughtful and delicate. 

Things turned quiet from then on, and Tsukishima did not remember how much alcohol he continued to have afterward, or how had he stood up, said goodbye to his friends, and left the bar without tripping over. All he knew was the clusterfuck that was his head, and the words toxic, dependent and  _ fucked up  _ that ended up looping in his mind the entire way home in the misty spring night. 

His vision went blurry by the time he reached his apartment complex, head pulsing under the effect of alcohol and the surge of emotions. He swung open the complex’s door and stumbled through the entrance, having half the mind to care whether there was anyone on the other side of the door or not. Unfortunately for him though, there was, and Tsukishima crashed head on to the man. His face brushed through strands of soft but wild black hair. Musky cologne lingered around his nose.

“Are you okay?” deep-voice asked. Strong arms stabilized Tsukishima’s tumbling body. His hands were tanned, long and calloused, and his fingers gripped tightly onto the blond’s arms, leaving slightly red marks on pale skin. 

“Goddamn it” Tsukishima muttered under his breath. He was too drunk for this, but still had some social etiquette to direct his cloudy eyes at the man before he apologized, “I.. I’m fine. Sorry, I should have looked first.” He tried to balance his body, and hoped his voice was clear enough that the other wouldn’t register him as a drunkard. 

But again,  _ when did he care?  _

“It’s fine man.” The untamed-black-haired man spoke. He released his grab, then offered, “ Do you live here? Do you need help getting to your apartment?” A cheshire-cat-grin spread across his face. 

“That’s fine thanks.” His tone could be softer, or more friendly at least, but all Tsukishima wanted right now was some alone time, and talking with a stranger was the last thing he wanted. The stranger took the hint and stepped aside, and Tsukishima seized his opportunity to walk toward the elevator. 

“Good night!” was the last word Tsukishima heard before the elevator’s door closed shut. How could a person be that cheerful especially at one fucking thirty in the morning, he thought, especially toward him out of all people. 

By the time he reached his apartment and crawled onto his bed, the interaction earlier was long gone from Tsukishima’s mind, and he slowly slipped into restless slumber. 

\---

Tsukishima, since day one, had known that he wasn’t a friendly kid, nor was he good at maintaining relationships. He was always keeping people an arm’s length away from his true self, refusing to let anyone in. His brother, Akiteru, had compared him to the shiny moon on a cloudless night- always shone faintly through the windowsill, but was never approachable. 

He lived in peoples’ periphery, and he accepted it.  _ He enjoyed it. _

Back in highschool, his idly personality, his honest but snarky comments, and even his quirky half-smile were always interpreted as sarcastic and rude, earning him satiric nicknames like  _ the loner  _ and  _ the ice prince. _ He didn’t mind, though, and maintained all his friendships that way; for him, it was much easier to build a wall and put on an aloof facade than to create bonds that required trust and faith. His personality was so much of a defective toy that he had decided to seal it away from everyone. 

The moon needed no companions, and so did Kei Tsukishima. 

He thought he would forever live that way- existing outside of others’ attention- until a shy and slightly awkward person named Tadashi Yamaguchi showed up in his life during his second year of college. They happened to sit next to each other in Asian Art History class, and the shorter one was first to strike a conversation with him over some assignments that were due by the end of that week. Slowly but surely, their conversations evolved into random questions that had nothing to do with asian art, though it was mainly Yamaguchi who asked the questions with Tsukishima’s occasional answers. 

Part of Tsukishima, for the love of God, couldn’t understand how someone who looked so gentle would be so persistent in becoming his friend, despite the cold shoulders he had usually been given. The other part yearned for more attention, secretly hoping Yamaguchi’s stubbornness was strong enough to destroy the wall that he had put up the past twenty years. Maybe it was his fear of loneliness that had finally caught up with him and left him vulnerable, but at that moment, he had wished Tadashi would finally be his one companion. 

His moon rabbit. 

The day when Yamaguchi officially asked him out on a date was a hot and summer day, right after their asian art final exam. It must have been an accident, because as soon as the shorter boy asked  _ do you want to go out with me, _ he immediately turned bright red and violently slab his mouth with his left hand. He stared at the blond with horror in his eyes, and Tsukishima, instead of ignoring the invitation, with the cold but slightly teasing tone of his, replied something along the line of  _ Sure, how about a movie.  _ He wanted to give Yamaguchi a chance, or moreover, to give himself a chance. 

They started dating as easy and quiet as that. Yamaguchi, with his soft and gentle touch, completely soothed all the rough edges that Tsukishima donned. He stayed quiet when the two argued, avoided doing things that would make his boyfriend uncomfortable or upset, and was always there when needed. He was perfect, too perfect for Tsukishima, which made him so restless, and so  _ so _ insecure. 

Their first year together was incredibly hard for Tsukishima; as the blond reluctantly opened the gate that led Yamaguchi into what was his broken soul, he was also preparing for the boy to freak out and run away. He didn’t though, miraculously. He took sight of all Tsukishima’s flaws and ugliness without flinching, and gave him the comfort of being loved and understood. Years after years, and Tsukishima started to believe Yamaguchi was here to stay, and that he could finally let his guard down for once. 

It was problematic, if Tsukishima had to be absolutely honest to himself. He knew for a fact that it wasn’t at all fair for Yamaguchi. He deserved a better person who didn’t use sarcasm nor grumpy comments to respond to everything as a defense mechanism. A better person who had enough confidence and self-worth that didn’t always silently seek for reassurance. Nonetheless, the boy’s amiable love meant a world to him, and the thoughts of letting go of something so precious shook him to the core. So, before Tsukishima could work on his inner problems, he secretly hoped Tadashi would have enough patience to wait for a better him. 

_ What a fucking selfish thought.  _ Tsukishima scoffed, at himself. 

They were _his_ problems afterall, and no one should ever feel obligated to stay with him while he tried to sort things out. Yamaguchi had the rights to walk into his junkyard of an inner self, tried out for a _long_ while, and left, because he deserved happiness; something that a broken toy like him didn’t quite earn _just_ _yet._

People fell out of love, and so did Yamaguchi. 

It was totally fine. Unquestionably reasonable.

He knew that,  _ understood _ that.

But damn, it still hurt like hell. 

  
  


\--------

  
  
  


**_Teach me to love just to let me go_ **

**_I can’t believe that I’m not enough_ **

**_Not enough_ **

  
  
  
  
  


_ September _

Fall came with pleasant breezes and vibrant scenery of falling leaves and multicolored greenery. Taking in a deep inhale, it wasn’t hard to recognize a musky-sweet scent lingering in the air, gently nudging a  _ hey, fall is here _ and  _ let’s slow down and seize the moment  _ across each and every person’s mind. Tsukishima, before, had never been able to understand the said feeling, nor had he tried to figure it out; in all honesty, he couldn’t care less what the seasons were, or what was in the air. Now, though, after several months living rather on edge, he found the need to stop and rebalance himself, to establish a new anchor that would let him institute a somewhat new and maybe functional Kei Tsukishima. 

Don’t get him wrong, Tsukishima was still generically functional for the past months; his productivity at work was insanely impressive, to the point Akaashi and Ukai, his Principle Investigator, were joking about giving him a raise. He had a routine, one that consisted of waking up at seven in the morning and going to bed at eleven thirty at night. One that always had him walking into his lab space with a piece of toast in his mouth and a cup of black coffee in hand, looking like he was done with his existence. One that left him feeling empty and bare, with nothing more than repetitive movements days to days; it was almost like he was a well-oiled machine, functioning without a glitch, but also without any emotions. Perhaps  _ lifeless  _ is the most accurate description of Tsukishima right now. 

“Any plans for your birthday yet?” Asked Akaashi, eyes still glued to his phone. They were sitting in a coffee shop, spending their lunch break together- a rare occasion since the grad student had been going out for lunch with a certain person usually. 

“No, not really. I don’t usually celebrate birthdays” Tsukishima responded. “Beside, it’s not for another three weeks. It’s a little too early for any party planning.” That was assuming he would even want a party. For all he knew, he would just curl up on his old couch with Yami and watch some stupidly old movie on the TV. 

“Since I missed your birthday last year, how about I take you out to dinner this time? Bokuto really wants to meet you and if you don’t mind, I think it will be a great opportunity to introduce you two!” Akaashi blinked, anticipated. “Speaking of which, Bokuto’s birthday is a week before yours, so maybe the birthday boys can celebrate together!” 

Tsukishima glared, not really appreciating the nickname. “Thanks for offering Akaashi. I’ll let you know. My family insists on having me home that weekend because I haven’t done that for the last two years. Akiteru might physically drive here and drag me out if I don’t this time.” 

“No worries. We can always hang out after you come back.” 

“You don’t really know when to give up, don’t you?” Tsukishima hissed. 

“Nope, not when it’s you.” Akaashi winked. A small smirk appeared on the blond’s face.

“Save that for Bokuto. You know it won’t work on me.” He joked. Grabbing his leftover sandwich on the table, he stood up and started moving toward the elevators that lead to his lab upstairs. “ Enjoy the rest of your lunch. I still have some gels to run so I’ll see you later.” 

“Tsukishima you are no fun!” Akaashi exclaimed, but also stood up and followed suit into the elevator. 

“Fun has never been in my dictionary.” Signed the blond. “Though if Bokuto is free this weekend, I’m down to hang out.” 

“Really?? Are you sure? Oh my god let me text Kou right now!!!” Akaashi was ecstatic. He didn’t even realize the accidental slip of the nickname. 

“Yeah...” Why not, right? It was about damn time that Tsukishima began to get his shit together and finally pushed his restart button. If that required him to meet with Akaashi’s rambunctious boyfriend, then so be it. He didn’t have to be bestfriends with anyone, and he could still keep people an arm’s length away from him like he used to. All he needed was a fresh reset. A new beginning.

“I’ll let you know by tonight!” A genuine smile appeared on the brunnette. The elevator’s door slid open, and Tsukishima smiled back. “Thank you Akaashi.”

Without a doubt, Tsukishima received a text that night from his friend, saying something along the lines of yes Bokuto is free and is so  _ excited  _ to meet him, and there would only be them three because Akaashi knew he hated meeting people. He texted back a brief acknowledgement, telling them to let him know about the locations and times. 

This was it. The beginning of Kei after Tadashi, to go back to Kei  _ before  _ Tadashi. 

_ I’m ready.  _ He told himself, left arm raised to cover his eyes shut. 

  
  
  
  
  


**_Oh, goodnight_ **

**_I don’t mind_ **

  
  
  
  


\---

“Hey hey hey! Keiji!” A man with spiky hair and owl-like white and grey color stood up from a table in the corner and waved at them. He was a well-built man, wearing a soft t-shirt that complimented his body perfectly; those short sleeves truly struggled to hide the muscly arms underneath. He could hear Akaashi let out a tiny gasp, his body stiffened for a brief second. Tsukishima quietly signed, damn, his friend got it  _ hard.  _

Surprisingly, there was another person sitting across from him. He looked like he was a little taller than the owl-like man, but had leaner muscles and tanner skin. His black hair was a mess with half sticking up like a proud rooster and the other half covering his forehead. Interesting enough, that unkempt hair, crooked smirk and plain red t-shirt worked perfectly well for him, and the man looked oh so attractive. 

“You must be Tsukishima? Hi I’m Koutarou Bokuto. I’m Keiji’s boyfriend.” The owl-like man raised his right hand up to Tsukishima, a wide grin on his face. Akaashi interrupted him with a smile, “What is this formality Kou? He’s my friend, not one of your business partners!”. 

“Babe! You told me he’s the serious type! And I want him to like me!” Bokuto pouted. Though his dejected frown was quickly swept away after Akaashi gave him a small peck on the cheek. The shorter one then pulled the man’s hand away, intertwining their fingers together before speaking, “ Tsukishima, this is Kuroo, our close friend from college. Kuroo, this is Tsukishima, the wonderful lab technician I’ve told everyone about.” 

“Tetsurou Kuroo, but you can call me Kuroo. A pleasure to meet you Tsukishima” His eyes sparkled, looking at him with mischief; the man irradiated a charismatic and confident aura. 

“Kei Tsukishima, the pleasure is mine.” Tsukishima gave a little nod and looked at Kuroo. He was wearing his crooked smile again, and he found a hint of familiarity in it. Had he seen this man somewhere else before? Kuroo didn’t seem to recognize him though, so maybe it was his imagination. He turned over to the lovebirds who were busy greeting each other “Nice to meet you Bokuto. I have heard a lot about you from Akaashi.” 

“Only nice things, right babe?” Bokuto laughed loudly, while his boyfriend signed into his hand. “Nice to meet you too, Tsukishima. I’m so glad we finally have a chance to meet! Anyhow, I don’t know about you guys but I am starving, so let’s hurry up and order!” 

They took a couple minutes to look over the menu, and as the waitress walked away with their orders, the casual small talks began. Work, hobbies, interesting life stories, anything and everything. It was like Bokuto and Kuroo had saved thousands of questions in the back of his mind, waiting to throw them at him at any moment. It was nice, he guessed, because the last thing he wanted right now was an awkward conversation that was accompanied with uncomfortable silence and stares. 

The meal was actually quite delightful, so to speak, with delicious food and pleasant chattering. The only question he had was about the man who was sitting across from him right now; Akaashi had said nothing about the fourth person, and from what he had gathered, it sounded like his friend and Bokuto had planned this ahead of time. He wasn’t complaining though, since Kuroo really knew how to carry the conversations. Whenever Tsukishima fell short to maintain the dialogue, he would jump in to pull more words out from his mouth. 

“So you are saying you might go back to school for a PhD?” Kuroo asked. Hazel eyes fixed onto Tsukishima like he was the only person at the table. The intensity startled him quite a bit, and he found himself somewhat lost for words. Kuroo waited for him patiently, lips curled as he propped his head on his left palm. 

“I think so. My work currently is satisfying enough, but I still want to go further into research.” He scoffed, stabbing his strawberry dessert mindlessly “ That’s also assuming I will get into any programs, which I doubt strongly.” 

“Aw don’t ever doubt yourself, Tsukishima. With how smart and hardworking you are you’ll go places!” The man winked while taking a sip of his wine. The deep red liquid slipped through his pink lips, and everything about that gesture screamed maturity and sophistication. Ha, if Tsukishima was a teenager who hadn’t been through college, he would had been flustered and blush at the compliment and at the attractiveness of the man. But unfortunately for Kuroo, he had had his fair share of being hit on, which now gave him immunity to flirts like him. 

_ Flirts like him... _

_ Wait a minute.  _

From the corner of his eyes, he could see Bokuto giving Akaashi a quick glance and a soft elbow. They both smile at the same time, glistening eyes swinging between him and Kuroo. A immaginary light bulb fucking lit up in him, and everything finally made sense. 

Goddamnit they were playing matchmaking with him. 

For fuck sake he should had seen this coming. 

This was definitely Bokuto’s idea, because Akaashi wouldn't have dared to set him up with anyone; the grad student  _ knew  _ Kei. Regardless, he went along with the idea, and Tsukishima didn’t know whether he should be angry at his friend for meddling, or should he be appreciating the sentiments. Akaashi meant well, especially since he had been there with him through, witnessing how broken and lonely he was despite his effort to hide it. 

Directing his attention back on Kuroo, he wondered whether the man knew about this furtive scheme. Did he get tangled into this plan unknowingly like Tsukishima did, or did he follow through with the plan for the sake of humoring his college buddies? Why though? Did he expect to really find  _ the love of his life  _ through stupid blind dates like this? He tried to read through Kuroo’s expression for the answers, but frustratingly, the messy-haired’s sly grin and charismatic composure did anything but gave away its owner’s true thoughts and feelings. 

“Is there something on my face or do you just realize how handsome I am?” Kuroo must have caught him staring for too long and decided to break the gaze. His voice was cocky and deep, teasing eyes challenged the blond’s glare.

“As if. Sorry for breaking the news to you so soon, but unfortunately no amount of charms could have compensated for that bed head of yours.” Tsukishima jabbed, and appreciated how the crooked smirk tensed up and Kuroo’s eyes widened. He had kept his tongue under control the entirety of dinner out of respect for Akaashi. With this new revelation though, maybe he deserved some freedom of expression. Besides, he wouldn’t see Kuroo again after today anyway, so there shouldn’t be any issues even when the older found such a comment to be offensive.

“You caught me by surprise there, four-eye. Where did my stoic and quiet Kei go?” The stupid grin once again made a comeback, now accompanied with a one-eye wink. “Though I like this Kei too, both for his sharpness and his provocative tongue.” 

“Please call me Tsukishima, and yes, thank you. I have never said I am a stoic person.” Replied Tsukishima, slowly swallowed up the last piece of his pink-dyed sponge cake. Gently putting the silvery fork down, he prodded Akaashi under the table and gave him a meaningful glance, of which his friend picked up the cue immediately. 

“Should we grab the check then?” Akaashi asked, seeing that everyone had finished their meals. He then made eye contact with the waitress, who walked toward their table immediately.

“Hey guys. Ready for your check?” They asked with a smile. 

“Yes, please.” Akaashi responded. 

“Do you want it to be all on one or seperate?” 

Akaashi glanced over to everyone at the table, hesitated. A moment of awkward silence, and Tsukishima was ready to say  _ separate _ when Kuroo opened his mouth: “ Together, please. Thank you.” 

The waitress left, then quickly came back with the check. Kuroo handed his card over, then signed and tipped as directed.

“Dude you don’t have to.” Bokuto chirped, after Kuroo was done and the waitress wished them a good night. 

“It’s all good bro. I don’t get to go out with you guys often. Take this as a reason for you guys to take me out again.” Answered Kuroo. “And that includes you, four-eye. I would love to meet you again.” 

Tsukishima’s eyes grew wide, not knowing how to respond probably. Though he didn’t need to, because a phone was pushed toward him and the dark-haired man demanded: “ Give me your phone number Tsukishima. I need to take you up on this.” 

“Why?”  _ I’m not that interesting. _

“Do I need a reason?” 

“Normal people usually do.” 

“I’m not normal people, Kei.” Kuroo cooed. 

Defeated, Tsukishima quickly tapped his phone number in, and saved the contact as Kei Tsukishima. The other two, especially Akaashi, watched with amazement. He hadn’t seen Tsukishima that compliant before. 

“All done. Thank you for the meal Kuroo.” He said as he handed back the phone. 

“As I said, my pleasure.” 

“Alright alright. Enough with the thank yous you dorks. Keiji and I are having a movie night at my place tonight, and you guys are also invited!” Bokuto jumped in, loud and full of energy. They were standing outside of the restaurant now, waiting for their ubers to arrive. 

“Thank you Bokuto, but I think I’ll pass.” The blond declined. 

“Same here. I have an early flight to catch tomorrow. You know, business stuff.” 

A car pulled over, which happened to be Akaashi’s uber, and the lovebirds were quick to bid them goodbyes and see you agains, then jumped onto the backseats before taking off. 

“It’s just you and me now.” Kuroo said while looking at his phone as if he was checking where his driver was. “You had fun tonight?” 

Tsukishima wanted to say yes, in fact, he had fun. It was surprising to say the least, but having Kuroo’s company was comfortable; the man was really smart, full of wit and knew how to handle people really well. However, the words leaving his mouth turned into a question instead- the one question that had been bugging him. 

“You know all about this matchmaking joke right?” His voice bland, not a single string of anger nor embarrassment. 

“Huh?” The abrupt question pulled Kuroo away from his phone, and he scratched his head sheepishly. “Uh, yeah I guess. Yes and no, if I’m going to be honest. I knew there would be a fourth person other than Bokuto and Akaashi, but they didn’t say anything more than that.”

“Oh.”

“And they probably weren’t trying to really  _ matchmaking  _ matchmaking us, if you get what I mean. I think they just wanted us to meet new people, and make friends I guess.” 

The blond scoffed, voice entirely laced with sarcasm: “make friends, right.” Maybe that was the case, but he knew Akaashi secretly wished that he could move on from the past- move on from Tadashi. They had had this conversation multiple times, each time ending up with Akaashi telling him his failure from the past wouldn’t determine his future relationships. Sounded logical, right, but normally people used history to fucking make prediction for the future, so why shouldn’t he?

Don’t get him wrong, it wasn’t like he was trying to be a salty bitch who couldn’t accept failure. He did actually, and learned quite a lot from it. He learned that his own insecurity and negativity was toxic for the relationship, doing too much damage for both his partner and himself. He learned that instead of jumping into a new relationship now and repeating the same old mistakes again, he should just sit down and slowly work on himself. 

He learned that, maybe, his problems were too much, and he should see someone. 

“Thanks for tonight, Kuroo. I did have fun.” He saw Kuroo’s face turned from a sheepish expression to one of joy, and that made it harder for him to continue what he got to say next. “I might be getting ahead of myself, and you are probably not even interested in me, but I just want to make it clear...” His voice faltered. 

“I do have an interest in you, but go on.” Bright eyes narrowed, and his gaze on Tsukishima made the blond felt like a deer in front of headlights. 

“I..I want to make it clear that I’m not interested in a relationship right now.” Shit, that sounded so cliché; his brain just couldn’t come up with anything better nor more explanatory. The sentence fell flat and the mood dampened, and Tsukishima felt a pang of guilt in his chest. Kuroo might just want to be his friend, and now he had turned everything into this awkward mess. 

_ It’s fine. He’s someone you just met, and you didn’t intend to meet him again anyhow.  _

_ It’s better this way.  _

_ Definitely.  _

Luckily, before Tsukishima’s anxiety began to go haywire, a car pulled by next to him. It was his uber driver and he was so relieved to pop onto the backseat along with a brief good night to Kuroo. The man didn’t seem to mind, and waved him off with a familiarly sweet smile and gentle eyes. “Good night!” He said, and that, too, sounded familiar. 

He texted Akaashi later that night, thanking him for the dinner, and asking about the appearance of Kuroo. It wasn’t that important to know anymore, but Tsukishima still felt the need to pester his friend for an explanation. Akaashi said nothing, though, and responded with a winky smile. 

He also received a text from Tetsurou Kuroo. 

_ But wouldn’t it be nice to have someone to talk to? Especially with a stranger like me.  _

Yes, yes it would be, and Tsukishima thought of that option for a little too long.

  
  
  
  


\--------

  
  
  
  


**_Who knows?_ **

**_I said who knows?_ **

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ December _

  
  


**[20:35] From Tetsurou Kuroo**

Today is soooo cold (;o;)

**[20:39] From me**

It’s winter after all. 

December in this city has always been a bitch. 

**[20:40] From Tetsurou Kuroo**

☆〜（ゝ。∂）I wish I had someone to cuddle under the blanket rn

*Cough cough* Tsukki u r invited

**[20:44] From me**

Might as well wish for a heated blanket.

**[20:45] From Tetsurou Kuroo**

Tsukki is as cruel as always (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

But I still like u 4-eyes

  
  
  
  


It was almost impossible for Tsukishima to understand Tetsurou Kuroo.

He was smart,  _ really smart _ , and sly, and devious. 

But he was also strange. 

Strangely quiet, strangely perceptive. 

And strangely caring.

Months had passed since the last time they met, and within that time, he had firmly climbed his way up on Tsukishima’s relationships ladder just by messaging. From a random stranger to a typical friend. From a friend to some title he could not name; someone who was close enough for Tsukishima to text back and forth pretty much every day. 

Tsukishima, still, couldn’t understand how everything had become this way. He was so sure that after that night- the first and only time they had met- he would never be in contact with this man again. But Kuroo, out of his surprise, had texted him two days later just to complain about the security line at the airport, and again the next day with a selfie of him with a giant strawberry sorbet. 

Kuroo, with his wit, knew exactly how to push all the dime-sized buttons on Tsukishima to rile him up. Yet, the man’s shrewdness also let him know exactly when to take a step back, and when to soothe a pissed-off-Kei back to a normal-Kei, to never push him far enough for him to actually snap. He took all his blunt and snarky comments beautifully- never ever got fazed by them- and responded with equally clever and sarcastic replies. If the blond’s sharp tongue accidentally crossed the boundary and appeared to be loathsome, Kuroo would not hesitate to point that out in his own unique, unperturbed way.

They flirted, and joked. Their conversations were always light, with the usuals of Kuroo’s food pictures and selfies while he went sightseeing- apparently his job as a business consultant allowed the man to travel to quite many places. Tsukishima sometimes responded with some pictures of Yami and comments about his work, or on a good day, he would even be the first to send some images of his homemade bakeries. 

They never called each other on the phone, and Tsukishima had never been more grateful for that.

Maybe they were still strangers, after all. Strangers who talk, but never share.

Nonetheless, there was something growing in him, some unnamed and apprehensive feeling which was oh so so familiar. He enjoyed it, guilty, missing the time when he was cared ~~ and loved. ~~

He never asked what their relationship was all about, and neither did Kuroo. It was an untouched territory- the red zone if you would- that the thought of uncovering such unfathomable ground shook him to the core.

Everything was fine. Everything was enough the way it was. 

A distraction. 

Nothing more. 

_ Absolutely not.  _

He wanted to keep everyone at arm’s length right? _ Right?  _

_ Nothing more.  _

~~ His heart didn’t think so. ~~

**[20:55] From me**

Stop calling me Tsukki.

How was your meeting this morning?

  
  
  


The phone’s deafening vibration continued throughout the night. 

  
  


\--- 

  
  


“Go home more often Kei! Mom and dad really misses you.” Akiteru’s voice echoed through the earphones. 

“I was just home for Thanksgiving. Don’t make it sound like you guys haven’t seen me for years.” Tsukishima chided, hands scrolling through his instagram “It’s been a little busy in the lab lately, but I’ll try to be home sometime soon. When is the baby due?”

“The doctor said at the beginning of next month, but Saeko doesn’t believe her. She said that she can feel the baby’s needs, apparently, and is so certain they will come out in two weeks.” Akiteru chuckled slightly, fondness in his voice. 

“Alright. I might try to come after she delivers so she won’t pester me about being a bad uncle.” Tsukishima rubbed his forehead and signed. Saeko, by all means, was a wonderful sister-in-law, but he still had a hard time keeping up with her energy- he was still traumatized by the last time he couldn’t go home for a family gathering. 

They talked for a little more before Akiteru had to hang up and head back to work. Tsukishima continued to sit there, in the small cafe owned by Sugawara and Asahi, and lazily drank his coffee while scrolling through his phone. It’s a slow Sunday morning in January, with white flurry snow falling leisurely outside of the window, and he had nothing better to do. Everything was all that he needed, all soft and mellow. 

Well, until it wasn’t. 

Until he ran across a post from Yachi, picture of hands intertwining, fingers tracing fingers. 

He turned off his phone and closed his eyes. His hands trembled against his will, and though he told himself things would be okay, things weren’t, because he remembered. 

_ Because he remembered _ . The long slanders fingers that once traced and marked and scarred memories all over his back when they were connected. The palm that he used to kiss mornings after, sun shining through the window and clothes scattering around their tiny dorm room. The ring finger scar that he used to cover with a soda tab, and a promise of a better replacement. 

Well, keyword: used to. 

_ Used to be his. _

It’d been 10 months, for god’s sake, he should’ve moved on already. 

He should have, but he didn’t; and maybe, _just_ _maybe_ , he never would. Because people said first love was all about that constant throb in your chest, the sleepless nights of wandering minds, the swift flashbacks of happiness that obscured one’s vision. Because people said the pain would never cease, and on occasion, the wound would stir and fester when you were least expecting it. 

At 19 in that loud classroom and boring lectures, Kei fell in love with a boy who had taught him so much, had given him so much, but also had taken away from him so much. Four years and boys turned into men, and now at 23, Kei had to learn to let go of the same man because memories were memories and what used to be his was no longer his. 

  
  


\-----

  
  


This is when the story ends, doesn’t it? 

Yeah, it’s the old cliché “ from every ending comes a new beginning” that everyone keeps telling him again, the “ it’s time for the start of your new chapter”  _ again _ . 

_ Move on, Kei. History is history, Kei. You will find someone later on, Kei.  _

The fact is, part of Tsukishima is scared. So terrified. And so so lost. What to do when the history that was once his future has decided to move on, without him. 

However, another part of him finds solace in his loneliness. He learns to appreciate the little happiness he finds along the way, learns to enjoy the occasional companionships from friends who he never knows he has, and learns that it is okay to be broken, to not be loved. 

He can never unlove Tadashi Yamaguchi, but it is okay, because he doesn’t want to, anyway. 

Because it is okay. 

And then there is Tetsurou Kuroo, the sly and beautiful stranger (or friend, or something else, but he doesn’t know). 

He owes him a sorry, maybe an explanation, but  _ definitely _ a sorry.

“Are you in town?” He texted Kuroo, “ Mind grabbing a coffee with me?” 

“Anything for you, Tsukki. Tomorrow at noon? There is this cafe downtown that I think you would love.” Kuroo replied, almost instantly. 

And so they talked. 

About Tsukishima, about Kuroo, about Yamaguchi, and about them.

Because it is easier to talk to a stranger, when there is no bias and feeling that can cloud your judgement, and though it was oddly rude to talk about your ex with someone who you met through a matchmaking dinner, Kuroo still patiently listened as Tsukishima pulled himself out on display. 

“Sorry-” The blond mumbled.

“For what?” Kuroo asked, with a knowing smile and soft gaze. 

“Sorry” Tsukishima was looking at him now, with more intensity in his eyes. He continued: “for using you, like, you know, as a distraction.” 

“An attractive distraction, I supposed?” 

Tsukishima signed nervously: “Indeed. An attraction itself.” 

“Is that a compliment, Tsukki? Goddamn it how am I supposed to stay mad at you now?” Kuroo breathed out a laugh, “ugh, I might have to forgive you.”

“You don’t have to. I’m an asshole and ....” 

“Nah ah ah, I need to stop you right there four-eyes. I’m not even mad at you because, first off, you did nothing wrong. I was the one to initiate everything, remember? Yes, yes, you viewed me as a distraction, but so what? You didn’t lead me or whatsoever, and if I’m going to be absolutely honest, I quite enjoyed our conversation as well.” Kuroo chuckled, long fingers moved to inflict a slight flick on the other’s forehead. “Stop your overthinking, Tsukki. As I said, I truly want to be your friend. So, may I?” 

Tsukishima gasped lightly, but quickly, his lips curled into a smirk, and he extended his hands toward the elder. With confidence, he spoke: “Well, let’s start over, shall we? Kei Tsukishima, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” 

“Tetsurou Kuroo, the pleasure is mine.” Kuroo laughed earnestly. His eyes sparkled under the sunlight that shone through the glassy windows, beautiful, and unreal. “What’s next, then?” he asked. 

“I don’t know, my career maybe?”

“Hmmm, a PhD doesn’t sound bad. What do you think, _Dr._ _Tsukki_?”

“A good start, I suppose.” He said, then whispered softly, “A good restart.”

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


Feelings and emotions, they are funny things. They can leave a butterfly sensation deep inside your chest, but can also make you whimper in pain. But to feel, to laugh, to cry, and to everything in between, they make you human. They make you real, and alive. 

And so when Tsukishima reaches for his phone and dials the number that he has been running away from for so long, he feels his chest tighten, and his heart throbs.  _ It’s okay _ , he reassures himself. 

Then he speaks.

“Hey Yamaguchi, long time to see.” 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I don't have an official twitter account. 
> 
> I'm sorry ;_;


End file.
